Maybe one day I'll actually be consistent with my computer usage. My computer died so updating this blog stopped being a priority. I was still constantly posting on the book of face, Instagram, and Tumblr. They're just so easy to suck you in and to use on a smart phone. The key thing with them is the fact that you're mostly regurgitating others posts; not that much thought or time is put into them. I do love them because I constantly get beautiful poetry and quote posts and sometimes I get to see unique videos and hear how my friends/family are doing, so it has its purpose. I am however missing the quiet contemplative moments where I write down and relish in what life is bringing. To come back to my own words and reminisce as if with an old friend is a true joy. Finding my old journals and reading the crazed rantings from past me is fantastic. If you ever want to put sorrow and loss in place, go back and read old journals. Most of the things you are lamenting in those pages you won't even remember or if you do you find they have so much less power to hurt you now.
So, many things have happened in the last few months of silence on here. I'm a gym freak now. I love spending my time working out, hiking, and I loved the hell out of going camping for the first time. I think one of the main reasons I was so miserable growing up was this need to curl into myself. This fear that if I moved people would be disappointed and/or judgmental. As if they would find me wanting from not having enough stamina, too much jiggle, my bright red face and labored breathing. As if my putting myself out there was a burden that they didn't need and/or want in their lives. Now I realize I am so much happier when I am being active. I get so wrapped up in my own thoughts my body needs to escape. In other words, if they don't like it, FUCK 'EM!
I'm just living here and trying to be the most genuine version of myself. I want to be proud of the things I do and say, which means tons of hard work and a lot of self evaluation. How can I improve myself while still celebrating who I am now? <That is the question I ask myself everyday> Take risks, be honest, tap out when you need to, try new things (not just for the sake of new but because it fascinates me), vocalize your needs rather than internalizing and suffering in silence, be passionate otherwise what's the goddamned point!
I have so many things to share, it has been over 5 months after all. I will continue to add micro posts rather than catching you up all at once.
So, many things have happened in the last few months of silence on here. I'm a gym freak now. I love spending my time working out, hiking, and I loved the hell out of going camping for the first time. I think one of the main reasons I was so miserable growing up was this need to curl into myself. This fear that if I moved people would be disappointed and/or judgmental. As if they would find me wanting from not having enough stamina, too much jiggle, my bright red face and labored breathing. As if my putting myself out there was a burden that they didn't need and/or want in their lives. Now I realize I am so much happier when I am being active. I get so wrapped up in my own thoughts my body needs to escape. In other words, if they don't like it, FUCK 'EM!
I'm just living here and trying to be the most genuine version of myself. I want to be proud of the things I do and say, which means tons of hard work and a lot of self evaluation. How can I improve myself while still celebrating who I am now? <That is the question I ask myself everyday> Take risks, be honest, tap out when you need to, try new things (not just for the sake of new but because it fascinates me), vocalize your needs rather than internalizing and suffering in silence, be passionate otherwise what's the goddamned point!
I have so many things to share, it has been over 5 months after all. I will continue to add micro posts rather than catching you up all at once.