So, many things have happened in the last few months of silence on here. I'm a gym freak now. I love spending my time working out, hiking, and I loved the hell out of going camping for the first time. I think one of the main reasons I was so miserable growing up was this need to curl into myself. This fear that if I moved people would be disappointed and/or judgmental. As if they would find me wanting from not having enough stamina, too much jiggle, my bright red face and labored breathing. As if my putting myself out there was a burden that they didn't need and/or want in their lives. Now I realize I am so much happier when I am being active. I get so wrapped up in my own thoughts my body needs to escape. In other words, if they don't like it, FUCK 'EM!
I'm just living here and trying to be the most genuine version of myself. I want to be proud of the things I do and say, which means tons of hard work and a lot of self evaluation. How can I improve myself while still celebrating who I am now? <That is the question I ask myself everyday> Take risks, be honest, tap out when you need to, try new things (not just for the sake of new but because it fascinates me), vocalize your needs rather than internalizing and suffering in silence, be passionate otherwise what's the goddamned point!
I have so many things to share, it has been over 5 months after all. I will continue to add micro posts rather than catching you up all at once.